Making sense of life as a transracial, adoptive family while relishing in the sweet, sugary moments of mommyhood
I share 10 of the biggest surprises we've had along the way during our adoption journey!
Unlike adoption agencies, we ensure a more legally sound adoption plan protecting the adoption process.
If you've decided to grow your family through adoption but arent' sure where to start, here's a 10-part guide to help you begin the process to adopt.
Steer clear of the top 10 things NOT to include in an adoption profile to avoid the biggest adoption profile mistakes and create an amazing profile book!
Home study checklist for adoption or foster care approval.
Announce that you're adopting a child in a new, fun way. Here are super cool ways to break the news of your adoption to family and friends.
Our third son, Cru, was born last week and we are thrilled to have him in our arms. You can read about our past adoption experiences in these blog posts. For this third adoption, we used Faithful Adoption Consultants again. I highly recommend them or a similar route if speed is a priority to you. We went active around Valentines Day, were matched five weeks later, and held our son two weeks after that! You can also follow my personal IG account along here. Many of you have asked for adoption...
Children from hard places require a process that leads them toward attachment. Here is a list of 8 attachment-based activities for adoptive parents.
As an adoptive mom there is no feeling as sober and exciting as meeting your adopted child(ren) for the very first time.
Are you looking for Bible verses about adoption? Included are my favorite adoption verses along with other resources such as printable Bible verse cards, resource lists, and prayers. All are compatible with the inspirational adoption book, Surrendered Hearts: An Adoption Story of Love, Loss, and Learning to Trust
As you know, November is National Adoption Month, and to honor this special holiday, we will be posting a new, helpful infographic every Wednesday this month. We hope these graphics will help you understand more about the adoption process and adoption in general.
What do you know about foster care adoption? Why are children removed from their homes, what ages are kids and would foster parents do it again?
The cost of adopting a child can get out of control. But you can meet your goal of becoming an adoptive parent using these 10 creative ways to cover the costs.
With God, there is no such thing as an unplanned pregnancy. Esther, Moses - even Jesus - was adopted! Adoption is part of God's plan.
Adoption without an agency is absolutely possible without using the foster care system and with minimal cost to the adoptive family.
If I had to tell you all of the ways that my life has been blessed by Illustrated Faith, I would be here all day. Seriously. This movement and community are such a big part of my life and with that my spirit has been enriched. The most recent blessing has been the opportunity to create a stamp set for […]
Think you could be the right family for an older child adoption? First, here are 10 things you need to know about adopting an older child.
The idea of pursuing adoption can be very overwhelming! These 5 simple adoption steps can help you get started on your adoption journey.
Adoption grants for everyone, including couples and individuals, regardless of race, religion, gender, ethnicity, marital status or sexual orientation.
The adoption process is exhausting. Celebrate the end of a long journey with these Adoption Party Ideas. From celebration themed showers, photo ideas, quotes and more. Be apart of the happy ending.
THE ARCHIBALD PROJECT is an orphan care advocacy organization that uses media to tell stories. These stories advocate for orphans, educate on orphan care, build community and inspire people into action.
all of these accounts are invaluable voices in the adoptee community ❤️
Getting a bedroom ready gives you something to do while you wait to adopt. It also ensures you have a room prepared when you do get that call.
If you're hoping to adopt a baby, it can be challenging to know where to start. Get tips on how to choose the right adoption agency!
The steps to expect in the process of domestic adoption. From home study to becoming matched and even what to expect after!
Read our blog about adoption and get info on birth parents, what to expect in open adoption, how to cope and enjoy your adoption journey
Check out our post about Adoption Packing List on Mix & Match Mama , a lifestyle blog by Shay Shull focused cooking, raising a family, and travel.
We can help you determine how to afford adoption and walk you through different adoption financing options. Contact us for more information.
10 things not to say to your adopted children is great advice from an adoptee perspective. Be sure to check this out!!
“The second Michael caught a glimpse of his brother from across the playground, he ran with all his might and jumped into his arms. We…
THE ARCHIBALD PROJECT is an orphan care advocacy organization that uses media to tell stories. These stories advocate for orphans, educate on orphan care, build community and inspire people into action.
Are you an adoptive parent, work in the field of adoption or are considering adoption? Here are 25 inspiring adoption quotes to encourage you. Adpotion is a beautiful process, but it can also be incredibly difficult. Would-be adoptive parents wait for years (often suffering heart-break along the way) as they wait for a child toContinue Reading
The Steps to Expect in the Process of Domestic Adoption. How to know if adoption is right for you and everything to expect. Many people don’t fully understand just how ... Read more
The Challenges of Adoption reveal the True Humanity of the Unborn Child. Susan Fox explores the struggle of adoption for the adopted child, its birth mother and the new parents.
Lifesong For Orphans encourages families to adopt by providing matching adoption grants, interest-free loans and creative fundraising ideas.
Oh my! I was getting read this morning and I was hearing Cope talk to himself in the crib & I found myself taking a deep breath of relief. It was something that I can't explain, but it was like when I heard his little sweet voice all was right in the world & it was almost like the first deep breath that I had taken since we started the adoption process... A HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. That got me thinking of all of the fears I had before we started the adoption process & how I
Adopted child syndrome refers to the emotional and psychological issues faced during adoption. If not diagnosed early, it can lead to developmental issues.
Where do I even begin. How do I tell the woman who made me a mom thank you? A simple thank you doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel. No, it's more of a gut wrenching gratitude that almost takes all the breath from my lungs when I think of the magnitude of the decision you made that changed my whole life forever. No, a simple thank you would never do. You made a painful, heart stopping, soul crushing, selfless decision to give us the gift of life to call our own. You made us parents. You made
Our Adoption Journey: 3 Years Later. What life looks like now three years after adopting our son. An update on open adoption.
After deciding to adopt, your next step will be to pick an agency. There are many options, but your location, as well as the location you are hoping to adopt from, will likely help you narrow this choice down. However, regardless of the agency you are working with, one of the biggest steps in the process
Maria and her family have a sweet place in my heart. Cole and Maria have an amazing story of how their sweet son came to them last summer. Maria has recently shared more of their adoption story and answered many common questions about the entire adoption process (you can find the original post here). I appreciate her honesty and transparency, honor for Xavier's birth mother and his own story, and acknowledgement that adoption is always a mix of beauty and grief. June 2013, less than two weeks old in Austin, Texas. This has been a difficult post for me to compose. I have been mentally writing it for almost a year. It was hard to know what to share and what to keep private. This isn't just our story but also Xavi's birth mother's story and I want to both honor and respect her. I felt the best way for me to finally get this written was to do a Q&A post. A big Thank You to those of you that responded to my plea for questions! They were instrumental. What inspired you to adopt? I'd love to know how you initially began tackling the subject? We knew we always wanted to adopt and even when we were dating in college we always imagined a family of two biological children and two adopted children. After trying on and off for seven years to get pregnant (doing all kinds of fertility treatments including three IVF cycles) and being stuck with the diagnosis of unexplained infertility, I found a specialist in Chicago that was known for explaining the unexplained. In August 2012, we drove to Chicago and had a final round of fertility test done and a whole lot of blood drawn. At this point, I just wanted answers. I wanted to know why, so I could grieve and move on. Well, we got our answer and then some. It turns out that aside from my autoimmune issues (Hashimoto's) I also had a bunch of random hereditary issues that combined created a perfect storm of infertility. In other words, it would take a miracle to get pregnant and sustain the pregnancy, which if it even got that far, could majorly jeopardize my health. We finally had our answers but that didn't make it any easier to swallow. For the next few months, we both grieved our loss. At that point we had already been through years of pain and loss, but we still needed the time to fully grasp what it all meant and how it effected our hearts. By January 2013 we were ready to go ahead with our plan to adopt. What type of adoption did you do? Once you decided on adoption, how did you decide between international and domestic, private, or with an agency? We chose a domestic adoption, which means adopting a child within the United States, and we were open to all races, ethnicities and genders. Several years ago we thought about doing an international adoption. I had heard so many horror stories and myths about domestic adoption that the whole process frightened me. I was terrified of the birth parents changing their minds, I thought they could come back at any point in the child's life to get them back, I was worried about sharing the title of parent. But when we really got serious about starting the process and once I did more research, I realized my fears where unfounded. Yes, there are a few days after the baby is born that the birth parents can decided not to place their baby. And since Xavi's birth father couldn't be located, we did have to wait thirty days before his parental rights were terminated. I won't lie, those two days in the hospital felt like an eternity with our love for Xavi growing hourly and for the month after his birth I kept wondering if Xavi's birth father would come forward, but those were the risks we had to take. The biggest reason I wanted to go forward with a domestic adoption was that I felt a strong need to help a child within the US. There are so many children that spend their whole lives in foster care that I wanted to help in any way. It was also important to us that our future child have the chance to have a relationship with their birth family. 1. Our first night out of the hospital in our hotel 2. Xavi's first bath 3. Coping with the heat in Austin 4. At the Alamo How'd you get started? What kind of research did you do? Could, please share how you selected an agency. We looked into adoption many times over the years. Like I said, it's been on our mind since we were dating back in college. We went to several different agency information meetings while we lived in Massachusetts and when we first moved to Minnesota, but the timing never felt right and the agencies never felt like a good fit. When we were finally ready, I was lucky to find a fellow adoptive mom, vintage seller and blogger, Maria, through instagram. I knew that Maria had recently adopted and I was curious to know who she worked with and how it all went. She was a lifesaver and directed me to Susan at Christian Adoption Consultants. Working with a consultant was a game changer. Do you guys want more children? Do you plan to adopt again? Yes, we do! But sometimes we're just so happy and fulfilled being Xavi's parents that it's hard to imagine adding anyone else to the mix. Also, there's the financial impact of adoption to consider. If we are fortunate enough, we would love to adopt again in a few years. I also have a dream of adopting an older child or teenager from foster care when Xavi is in high school or college, and when I have more practical parenting skills to take on an older child. Most people don't realize that foster children are kicked out of foster care when they turn 18. That could be while they're still in high school and then they are all on their own. Needing to make money, find a place to live, finish school and somehow survive. I remember what 18 felt like, how confused and lost I was and I had the help of a loving family there to support me. So the thought of an 18 year old being kicked out of the foster care system, with no safety net, really gets me crazy. If you were to adopt again, would you go the same route as with Xavi? Yes, we would. Cutting out the middle man (the agency) really sped up the timeline. I loved working with our adoption consultant, Susan. She was a great support and had a wealth of knowledge. She also helped up create our family profile book (which is what the birth mother looks at). Xavi's first plane ride flying home to Minnesota. Can you share the cost of your adoption and maybe break out costs? If that is not too intrusive. The published average cost of a domestic adoption is $34,012. These costs can vary depending on many different factors. I won't go into the specific cost for us, but I'll tell you that adoption expenses are well above the average. Here's the breakdown of what you need money for if you go this route: the consultant fee, the cost of printing and shipping family profiles, the home study fee, the agency fee once you're matched, travel costs for airfare, hotel, food, etc, the post placement visits with the social worker, the lawyer fees and random fees for legal documents, certificates, etc. The biggest are the agency fee, travel expenses, and lawyer, with the consultant, home study and post placement fees coming in second. There are however lots of ways to finance an adoption. The government gives a tax credit of $13,000 and some companies even match that (Cole's thankfully does). If you adopt a waiting child in foster care, the costs are minimal and I believe you only are required to pay lawyer fees. There are also many ways to raise money and save. We weren't too clever with that, since I truly didn't think it would all amount to so much, but next time we'll be better prepared. It's also been tricky since our finalization took so long, we haven't been able to submit our taxes and get reimbursed. We're still waiting on Xavi's social security card and both the government and Cole's company won't reimburse us till we have it. One of the things, I've learned through adoption is how terribly slow and backwards our government, adoption agencies and lawyers function. Grrr. Did you know your son's birth mother prior to adopting him? Any chance of adopting from the same birth mother? We knew Xavi's birth mom only briefly. The time between our match with Xavi's birth mother and his birth was only three weeks. We did have a phone conversation with her before we flew down to Texas and had dinner with her the night before her c-section. However, we were fortunate to really spend time with her in the hospital after Xavi's birth and the remaining weeks that we were in Texas. Getting to know and love Xavi's birth mom and siblings is a gift we will forever cherish and it helped us create a relationship that I hope will last for Xavi's whole life. The choice is always with the birth mom. If she was to choose us again, then yes we would. Was there a kind of mental/spiritual connection prior to holding him for the first time? Yes! I had a huge, instantaneous connection the moment I read Xavi's birth mother's profile. It was crazy how strong it was. The minute I saw her picture and read her information, I got goosebumps. I immediately called Cole at work and told him he had to read her profile. He also felt strongly that she was the birth mother of our dreams. What was your son's birth like? Were you there in the room when he was born? How did they hand him to you? The whole hospital situation was chaotic. The doctors and staff were pretty awful and treated Xavi's birth mom terribly. She had expressed her wishes to have me in the room during her c-section and for me to cut Xavi's umbilical cord. When they wheeled her out to get prepped for surgery, the nurses told me to put the scrubs on and they'd be back in five minutes. With shaking hands, I quickly threw on the scrubs, face mask, hat and shoe covers and proceeded to wait for twenty minutes. Those twenty minutes were some of the longest of my life. I was in a panic and the whole time I was waiting, there was a incessant beeping coming from a machine in the room. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I finally went into the hallway to see what was going on. Two of the nurses saw me and came and got me, their expression was something close to "oh, you're still here." They had already started the operation and Xavi's birth mama was laying there alone and upset. I thought I could scream I was so mad at the staff. Instead, I held her hand while we both cried. When it was time for Xavi to come out, I was supposed to get a picture and cut the cord but they didn't give me the option. They just whisked him out and cut the cord before even asking. I felt that everything that his birth mom wanted was being ignored. But there he was healthy and screaming as they quickly wiped him down and wrapped him up. First, they held him up to his birth mom's face and then they handed him to me. I could barely see through my fogged up glasses I was crying so hard. I held him close to her while she asked me to always love him and I said I always would. 1. Alone, waiting to go int into the delivery room 2. He arrived healthy and screaming 3. Cleaned off and sleeping in the nursery 4. First car ride leaving the hospital At what point did holding your child feel real? This is a tough one. The whole time in the hospital felt so scary, overwhelming, stressful and surreal that I don't think I had time or really allowed myself to fully bond with Xavi. I was so worried that he wouldn't be ours and I knew I already loved him so much. I would say it grew more real with time. Especially once we were out of the hospital and in our hotel for a few weeks post birth. All those long sleepless nights helped make it feel real. But there are still times when I look at my amazing son and think "is this real, am I truly his mom?" The fact that he's in our lives...just takes my breath away. Early July 2013, back in Minnesota and snuggling with my wee baby. How long did Xavi's adoption take from start to finish? We signed up with Christian Adoption Consultants at the end of January 2013. Started our home study paper work, got physical exams, fingerprints and back ground checks in February. Met with our social worker in mid March. Were home study approved on May 9th. We were emailed our son's birth mother profile that same day. Found out she had chosen us on May 20th, while we were in Paris. Found out Xavi's c-section was moved from June 17th to June 10th. Flew down to Texas on June 9th. Xavi was born June 10th. He was placed in our care on June 12th. Discharged from the hospital on June 15th. We left Texas and were back in Minnesota on July 1st. We finalized Xavi's adoption at the courthouse on April 7, 2014. Aside from waiting months for the finalization, it was all incredibly fast. I just kept telling myself through all the paper work and meetings with the social worker that I hoped we had a match in a year and if we were lucky a baby by December. Xavi was six months old this past December. It's just too amazing to think about how blessed we were that we got matched so fast and with the first birth mother of our choice and that the adoption didn't fall through. April 7, 2014 our Forever Family day. Before and After the court hearing. How did you pick out Xavi's name? Once we looked at Xavi's birth mother's profile and submitted our family profile to her agency in Texas, we started thinking about names. It was probably premature, but it helped me focus and feel proactive. We knew she was having a boy and that Xavi would be 3/4 Mexican American and 1/4 African American, so it was really important to us that we chose a name that respected his heritage. I had a short list of names with Hugo and Xavier at the top. Cole really didn't like Hugo, so we both decided to temporarily choose Xavier and see how we felt about it after some time. We soon left for Cole's business trip (which I called our babymoon) to Paris. Once we arrived we kept seeing and hearing his name everywhere we went. There was the Saint François Xavier metro station in Paris and while we were in Nice we kept seeing soccer jerseys with the name Xavi on the back. It felt like a sign. We both decided that we really did want the name Xavier (pronounced Zayv-yur) and would use the nickname Xavi (Zay-vee). When we shared our name choice with our family, we found out that Cole's great-great grandfather was named, Xavier. It was such a strange coincidence and we had no clue! During our first phone call with Xavi's birth mom, she asked if we had any names that we liked. We told her that we really like Xavier and she said that was her youngest son's name. I got goosebumps and immediately asked if that would be weird if we used the same name. She said no and that she liked that we wanted it. I asked her if there were any names she liked and she said Jacob. I told her that we also liked Jacob and were thinking about using that as his middle name since we knew from her profile that it's his birth father's name. Even though his birth father isn't in the picture and we've never met him, we felt it was important for Xavi to have a piece of him. Will you tell him why he's so incredibly special...the whole story? Yes, I do practically every day! We want Xavi's adoption story to always be an open dialogue, something he's been used to talking about from the beginning. It will never be a shock or source of fear for him. And even though there will be times when he'll struggle with being adopted, we will always be there to walk with him and help guide him. Plus, I hope that by maintaining a relationship with his birth family, Xavi will never wonder where he came from. He will know them and love them, the same that we do.
Ok, "survive" may be a bit dramatic of a word. However, for those of us who are waiting (and waiting, and waiting) it can feel like full-on survival mode, can't it? How do people survive the adoption wait?
Read our blog about adoption and get info on birth parents, what to expect in open adoption, how to cope and enjoy your adoption journey
Have you decided that your family would like to be a forever...
The pros and cons of open adoption. Deciding to adopt? Here is what you need to know and expect with an open domestic adoption
10 things not to say to your adopted children is great advice from an adoptee perspective. Be sure to check this out!!
