I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit...
There was once a man who really loved baked-beans. Well, he got married, and his Wife blind-folded him.. what happens next is gold! - really long joke
Roger, 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new Husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding... -funny joke
You should be careful what you wish for, sometimes your wish will be granted in a completely unexpected way... ... this is one such story. An atheist was walking through the woods admiring the nature around him. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals,” he said to...
A man was playing golf when he hit his ball into the woods. As he went to retrieve it, he stumbled upon a talking frog. The frog looked up at him and said, "Hey, I'm actually a beautiful princess, and if you kiss me, I'll turn back into a princess, and I'll grant you three
He asks him what happened. His friends says, “Well I was in church and...” The man interrupts “Church! How do you get hurt in church?” The friend continues, “Well, I was sitting behind this woman Angelina, and after a while, what with all the standing, sitting and kneeling, I noticed she...
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with...
1. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name? 2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh? 3. Before Mt. Everest was...
What’s your ideal Saturday night? Are you going out with friends until 3am, or staying home to watch a movie and snuggle with your cat? At the end of a long day, would you rather call your family and chat for hours, or turn off your phone and finally enjoy the peace of being alone? There’s no right or wrong answer, but if you're choosing the latter options, you just might be an introvert.
They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, ‘I’d calm down if I...
They sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. “I’ll bet he’s an accountant.” said the first builder. “Looks more like a stockbroker to me.” argued the second. They continued to...
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life 🤦♂️🤔 the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. ...
A 67 year old woman walks into a drugstore. There’s a lot of people in the store, and she goes to stand in line. After a while, it’s her turn at the counter. She asks, “Hi, do you sell extra large condoms?” The cashier says “Yes” and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by...
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral...
Larry, an avid hunter from Mississippi, walked into the local bar one evening and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. Larry was undoubtedly a good shot, something all the locals knew. However, on this evening, there was a hunter from out of state in the bar. He told Larry, “If...
A man goes to the entrance of heaven funny joke
A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she’s wearing a uniform, she’s probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly. He...
“Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she said. A little girl raised her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.” The teacher, knowing how precious some children’s stories could become, asked the little girl to describe the incident. “Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard...
A soldier approached a nun Out of breath he asked, “Please, may I hide under […] More
A husband and wife were having a friendly argument about who should brew the morning coffee. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first." The husband replied, "No, you should do it because you make it better." They went back and forth like this for a while until the husband finally
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom.The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
“I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician,” his first friend said, […]
“I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician,” his first friend said, […]
A woman went to doctor’s office for her annual examination. Suddenly, another older doctor noticed […]
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts. Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed...
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in […]
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The […]
A woman went to doctor’s office for her annual examination. Suddenly, another older doctor noticed […]
Does your dad have jokes? Celebrate Dad's particular sense of humor with this collection of 111 of the Best Dad Jokes (aka the Worst Dad Jokes) with memes!
A woman walks out of the shower,winks at her boyfriend,and says, “Honey,I shaved myself down there.Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says,“Yeah, it means the drainis clogged again.”
He drives twenty blocks away from home and drops the cat there. The cat is already walking up the driveway as the man approaches his house. The next day, he decides to drop the cat forty blocks away, but the same thing happens. He keeps on increasing the number of blocks, but the cat...
There was once a man who really loved baked-beans. Well, he got married, and his Wife blind-folded him.. what happens next is gold! - really long joke
A little boy hears the word wh****rehouse in school and asks his father what it […] More
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said. “You had a good idea to […]
29 Awfully Cringey Dad Jokes Just In Time For Father's Day - Funny memes that "GET IT" and want you to too. Get the latest funniest memes and keep up what is going on in the meme-o-sphere.
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very […] More
A 92 year old man went to the doctor for his annual check-up.
A dad cut his daughter's hair off after she got highlights for her birthday, so her mom sprang into action
Waiting for two hours
These short jokes are perfect for when you need a fast, funny quip
They'll only make you groan a little!
