Packed with deployment ideas and created for military spouses like you, our comprehensive guide will make sending off your soldier a whole lot easier!
My TimeHop app has been flooded with pictures the last few days surrounding my husband's first deployment to Afghanistan in 2011 - the "good luck" cake, the big family gathering, the packing, the tears, and that one final (for a while) kiss goodbye. I was such a wreck saying that "see you later" to my
Everyone knows that long separations are the worst part of being a milso, but here are 4 things nobody told you about before deployment.
Looking for some awesome gifts for your friend going on a deployment? Here you will find some cool pre-deployment gifts to keep him SAFE and HEALTHY.
Looking for some fresh ideas for military homecoming signs and banner ideas? Check out these 75+ ideas from sayings to images to help you find the perfect homecoming sign after deployment.
In the summer of 2009, I waited in an airport terminal in a fancy dress and heels. I never wear heels but this was a special day. My husband was flying in from Iraq for a two-week R&R during his year-long deployment. My boys and I were in California visiting my family, and that is
AMRAP in 20 minutes; 2 Muscle-Ups; 4 Handstand Push-Ups; 8 Kettlebell Swings (2/1.5 pood)
Beautiful 19-page deployment binder for military spouses! Keep all things deployment organized neatly in one convenient place.
Packed with deployment ideas and created for military spouses like you, our comprehensive guide will make sending off your soldier a whole lot easier!
Between the popularity of deployment work outs and military fitness requirements, fitness care packages could easily be part of every deployment. Get ideas here.
"Honestly, I'm the type of person who doesn't really care that much about what people say," Bryan Woodington told WJXT
AMRAP in 20 minutes; 2 Muscle-Ups; 4 Handstand Push-Ups; 8 Kettlebell Swings (2/1.5 pood)
Are you preparing for a deployment? As a MILSO, there are things you can do to prepare! Here are the top 4 areas to help you prep and rock this deployment!
With two crazy toddlers on the lose, we are always saying “We have to write that down.” Arthur and George are constantly coming up with hysterical phrases, answers to questions, stateme…
These great pre-deployment gift ideas are small, thoughtful, and meaningful, so they can be treasured no matter how long or harsh the deployment will be.
This post is very hard for me to write. It comes from a season of loneliness and struggle which we recently went through as a couple - my husband's first deployment for 7 months. Other military couples go through much longer deployments with less communication abilities afforded by technology, and they are clearly stronger than I am. Every spouse deals with the separations in different ways. Some pour their lives into their job, their kids, their friends, a new project or whatever, and each person handles it the way that works best for them in that season of their life. We didn't have any kids during this deployment, so I faced everything by myself in a new duty station. What many don't realize is that a lot of military marriages do not survive the rigors of deployments and military life. In 2009 it was reported that 13,000 marriages ended, and that doesn't even count engagements or relationships. I try to always put on a good face, but to be perfectly honest, we almost didn't make it through this because of my own struggles and growing frustrations through the deployment. I am grateful my husband stuck with me and supported me even when I was failing him. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work, and I am so grateful he persevered and patiently worked with me to restore our relationship. That being said, I want to share what we learned, how we coped, and how we grew stronger through it, so that it can possibly benefit someone else. If there are any lonely spouses dealing with what seems like a never-ending separation, scouring pinterest to find some encouragement, I hope our story can help. ~~~ For this deployment we had just moved to his first official duty station together, moved into military housing, went on pre-deployment leave, then the dreaded day came and I dropped him off at the ship. The war ship steadily sailed out of the harbor as he waved goodbye from the deck. I watched it fade in the distance, trying to hold back the tears and not get overwhelmed thinking about the months to come. Every spouse knows this is one of the worst feelings in the world. During the first few weeks I was pretty good and just tried to put on a strong front telling myself "I can do this, it's not that long even!", and tried to focus on the positives. As weekend after weekend passed, still living alone and working from home, the loneliness started to really take a toll. We were supposed to be in this duty station for just about a year, so I really lacked motivation to go out and meet new people in the area. Most of the spouses I had met had young kids and mainly did "mom things" with the other spouses, and since I didn’t have kids it was harder to relate with them. I am naturally a little guarded and have a hard time trusting people, and I just didn't put in the effort to meet more people. That was probably my first mistake of deployment. As loneliness and other issues started to become more challenging, I had to face them head on. In this post I’m going to address some of the challenges we faced, and how we coped. Live Alone or Move Back Home? One of the predicaments of deployment is whether to move home and save the BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) money, or to keep living at the duty station and "hold down the fort" while the spouse is away. I was originally planning to stay and make a life for myself there, but the longer I lived alone the more I hated it. This duty station has cockroaches and poisonous centipedes that I always feared would get in, and you just start becoming paranoid when you live alone (a roach and wasp found their way in while I was home alone - I hate bugs!). I was used to living at home, then living with a roommate in college, then living with my husband, and I found this new loneliness to be very unsettling. My parents very graciously offered to pay for me to fly home for Christmas, so I went and stayed there still working from home, and ended up staying for a majority of the deployment. Some view that as reverting to depending on your parents again, but in all honesty it really helped me. I got to see old friends from high school for the first time in too long, I got to help out with the family and everything and basically not be an island anymore. Some spouses with young kids just hate parenting alone and want to take advantage of the time to let the kids be with their grandparents more. Every person makes their own choice in this regard, and since I was so miserable living alone it really helped me to go back home. Loneliness Why do people get married? For the most part, it's for companionship. It's to have a life-partner always by your side to walk through life with, and to support you and encourage you along the way. During military separations (deployment, school, temporary assigned duty - there's a lot!) that partner is gone and you do everything alone. You go to bed alone, wake up alone, work alone, travel alone, fix flat tires alone. Your "life partner" is totally MIA! A sense of abandonment, resentment, and even betrayal can easily creep up. In moments of frustration, thoughts like the following can arise: “Why did I marry them if they're really married to the Navy!!?" “How can you stay in love with someone who is never there?” “If I wasn’t waiting around for them I could actually do [insert life goal]…!!!” “I’m sick of going to church or weddings or [insert event] by myself all the time. I’m sick of being a single married person!” The biggest lesson I had to learn from this deployment is that feelings are NOT always true, and they CANNOT dictate the way you act or live your life. Feelings change based on the day, season, location, circumstances, anything. They are not authoritative, and if you let them dictate how you think and act, your life will be a roller coaster of uncertainty and instability. That roller coaster of impulsive decisions can hurt the people around you and is no way to live. Instead I had to focus on what I KNEW to be true - that God loves me, that my husband loves me, and that I needed to be faithful to my marriage. My husband had enough to worry about every day on the job, and I didn’t want him to worry about me too. Temptation People want to be wanted. When your spouse is gone they are not there to 'love' you the way you need, and you can subconsciously feel like an undesired, lonely frump. :[ Some wives proudly say "It's not hard to stay faithful in the military!", and personally I don't want to be that proud, lest I fall. Every person has the capacity to fall while blindly going on a teetering road into sin, only afterward realizing they've gone farther than they should have and are now chained to their damaging choices. As we all know, relationships start just by talking. You can think it's innocent enough, as you just want to "have fun" or have some attention from the opposite sex, but that's a dangerous road to walk. Guard your heart, and save it ONLY for your spouse. If you have ex's numbers in your phone, delete them! Don't let yourself even be tempted to "explore" something or start "talking more" to a new interesting guy. It can be really frustrating feeling like a "single married person", but during this time you'll just have to tough it out. It's really hard for your husband too, and he needs you to support him during this time as well. Don't betray each other by letting your hearts wander to other people for comfort. One of the guys on my husband's ship had a marriage crumble during the deployment. He had a baby girl with his wife, and from the beginning the wife struggled with the separation. She went back home, and started hanging out with her ex-boyfriend there. As his wife became more distant, the husband frantically emailed and called (phone access is almost impossible on the ship), read marriage books, and tried to do whatever he could to save the relationship. Unfortunately, her heart was becoming hardened, and she wanted to file for divorce and stay with the ex, now current boyfriend. After months of struggle, the husband even flew all the way back to the states during a liberty weekend to try and reconcile with his wife. She wouldn't have it though, and he came back defeated. He was then left with the nasty paperwork of divorce and child-custody issues on the already physically/mentally taxing deployment. I don't know all the details, but it was hard for my husband to watch this person go through this, not being able to do anything to help him. It can be easy to point fingers and say "oh how could she do that!", but I wouldn't, I see where she's coming from. When your husband leaves, you feel like you can't depend on him anymore. The loneliness sinks deeper and deeper, and seeking comfort and support from an old flame can be tempting. She might have thought she can start a new, better life with someone who can actually be there for her, someone who can make her happy. In today's culture where it is acceptable for one's feelings to determine your actions, this decision makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, this is a prime example of why this thinking is SO Damaging! True another guy might make you happy in the moment, but happiness is a fleeting feeling, based on the day, location, weather, you name it. Even though it might bring "happiness" for a time, it would destroy her husband, sever her daughter's relationship with her biological father, and break the vow they made before God. I do not know this person and it is not my place to judge them, but my heart just mourns for the brokenness that happened because of the decisions from today's ideology, of letting your feelings dictate your actions. At this same time, I was also going through a hard season. About 3 and a half months had passed, and we were barely half way through. I had pent-up frustration that I didn't want to share with my husband. I didn't know what to say to him anymore, and each day's email seemed repetitive and going nowhere. I felt stuck in a dead-end career with NO advancement/education opportunities, all because I was stuck waiting for someone who was never there!! The love was fading, and the bond I used to have with him steadily slipped farther and farther away. Emotional and physical distance expanded. Feelings faded. I was seriously tempted to break things off, venture out to a new career, really do something with my life, start a new degree program or something! Make a name for myself and stop living in the shadow of someone who's married to his job! The primary reason I didn't go down that path, is because I made a vow before God to bind my life to my husband's. God does not take promises lightly, and I feared His punishment for breaking my promise, betraying God and the one to whom I promised. Proverbs 9:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." "Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh, and refreshment to your bones." Proverbs 3:7-8 I made a vow to this man before God, and I could not betray him, NO MATTER WHAT I WAS FEELING. I had to focus on what I knew to be true, NOT what I was feeling. I know that God created me, He loves me, and He has a plan for me. He will not give me anything I cannot handle, and He is walking with me through everything! "For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 The feelings of abandonment, resentment and apathy were subconsciously building for months. Feelings are important and need to be considered, but you need to ask WHY they are there and IF they are valid. In this case, those feelings were NOT valid. My husband didn't abandon me, he was fighting for our country and using his accomplished skill set for the good of the American Navy. I had NO right to resent him for that. I had to realize that for a time, in order for him to serve our country, he had to put work over me. Feelings do not always stem from truth, and we have to keep them in line before letting our lives fly away with them. I also had to intentionally fill my mind with God's Word and His Truth, and stop feeding the toxicity of my own self-centered thinking and negative emotions. People are naturally inward-looking, self-seeking, and I had to combat my natural, impulsive thoughts and put my husband's needs before my own, even when he was so far away. I eventually had to share the emotions I was feeling with my husband instead of shutting him out. It hurt him so much to go through this as well and not be able to "fix" it or comfort me. He ordered some marriage books and we started reading through them together. Instead of the circular "how was your day" emails, we started talking about what we were reading in the books, what we were learning, how we can fix problems we had brushed under the rug, and basically grow and move forward. We slowly started becoming more in-sync, and looking toward the future together. I'm the type of person that likes to always be planning and looking to the future, so this helped me a lot instead of focusing on the seeming black hole of deployment weeks. I had to depend on God to help me gracefully get through each day, lean on for Him strength, correct my selfish thoughts, and battle my feelings of worthlessness in lacking a solid career and husband by my side. 5 Love Languages - Out the Window! The book The 5 Love Languages, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, is a book that I highly recommend every couple read in order to better love and understand your mate. The 5 Love Languages are quality time, touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and gifts. Your love language is the way in which you feel most loved, or the way in which you most naturally communicate love. During separations, the first 3 (and the biggest for many people) are pretty much impossible, and after a while each spouse can start to feel very unloved. My love language is quality time, and my husband's is touch. Month after month went by, holiday after holiday, and my "love-tank" was basically running on fumes. There was no way he could spend time with me obviously, and there was no way I could love him in the way that communicated it best for him. I sent care packages, all nicely decorated and filled with presents, each month and it was nice to focus on that and have a "project" to do for him. The packages can take a really long time to get to the ship though, and knowing that it didn't really relieve any of the tension he was going through was disappointing. Some people send laminated kisses, paper cut-outs of a child's hug, or things like that to communicate touch. On this note, intimacy is a huge part of marriage, which is painfully missing during the months of deployment. Lacking this is just as hard on you as it is on your spouse, but it does NOT give either of you the right to seek intimacy from someone else. Reading through the book Sheet Music, written by Dr. Kevin Leman, together really helped us to talk through this area more. Discussing each chapter together helped us talk openly about things we hadn't before, and learn more about each other even while apart. We were able to grow together again, laugh, and lay more groundwork for the future. This allowed for healing, improved our understanding of each other, and set a more hopeful path forward. In terms of communicating love during the separation, you just have to use what you have. Thankfully he had email access most of the time, and I looked forward to his emails every day. When the ship stopped at a port he would try to get internet access for a few minutes and skype with me. I found the skype sessions to be almost too hard at times though. I could see him, hear him, but he was so far away and it broke my heart to not be able to hug him or talk longer. The internet connection would break, and he would be gone again. Sobbing normally ensued, but I got used to the disappointment eventually. Reading the emails and trying to communicate daily helped somewhat in filling my need for quality time. Submariners don't have any internet access while underwater, so all the emails their spouses send don't come in until the sub surfaces. This seems so difficult to me, but one wife said it helped her to embrace her own life during the deployment and not grieve or focus on missing him too much while he was gone. Reality Check Deployments can be hardest on the service member more than anyone else. They are thousands of miles away from any friends or family, through multiple months and holidays, they have to work around the clock standing watch, high-stress (often dangerous) job tasks, they get barely enough sleep, hardly any free time, cramped quarters, lots of pressure from higher ups and job demands, and more. Even when they finally get a break in port, most of the guys just go and get trashed during liberty, so still he feels pretty alone in a foreign country. I didn’t know how to support him or help him as he tackled all of this! I sometimes felt selfish for being able to get a full night's sleep and be around family, while he was working in this grueling job week after week to earn money for us. All I could do was continue to pray for him, email him, encourage him, and send care packages. Communicating in a healthy, loving way, with the goal of better understanding and truly supporting your spouse is one of the key factors that really keeps a marriage going. Marriage is all about sacrifice and putting your spouse before yourself. When both partners do this from a place of love and respect the marriage can really thrive. Laughter is also very healing in relationships, and can be easy to forget during separations. Being able to laugh with your spouse again, not take yourself or your circumstances too seriously, and just smile and find things to be grateful for even through hard times is very therapeutic! In some of the care packages I would send funny memes or notes, and he’d try to make me smile each day as well. Another thing is, don’t wish away the days. Embrace the moment you’re in, take advantage of the opportunities in front of you, and live without regrets! Time will march steadily on, and you will see him again. These are some of the lessons we learned and ways we coped in navigating the first deployment as a married couple, and I hope this can help anyone else who may be dealing with similar issues. It is only by God’s grace that our relationship was restored, that He patiently walked with us and opened our eyes to what we needed to change, and He deserves all the glory! Just like any other season in life, this one ended and a new one began. Don’t get stuck in frustrations, focus on God and what you know to be true, look for the good in each other, and have hope for the future! References & Photo Credit: http://www.alternet.org/story/122198/broken_military_marriages%3A_another_casualty_of_war http://www.jocelyngreen.com/about/faith-deployed/faith-deployed-and-faith-deployed-again/ https://www.etsy.com/listing/168764367/deployment-prayer-wooden-vinyl-subway
Keep your soldier healthy, happy and safe by giving pre-deployment gifts they will love. Take a look at these practical and useful gifts for deployment.
Happy to have this guest post by Holly on going through a deployment with children. Please email me at [email protected] and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too. The orders are cut and the news is official: your spouse is ready for another military deployment. As
Deployment Devotional Did your spouse just deploy or are you facing deployment? Do you feel like no one understands how you’re feeling right now? Do you feel raw, lost, or even just numb? Are you not sure how you feel? Are you wondering how you’re going to get through the coming days? Let’s walk through […]
Corporal Nathaniel Houck, a reconnaissance Marine with Company B, 1st Reconnaissance Battalion, from Oceanside, Calif., kisses and holds his three-day-old son Ryan for the first time during the company's homecoming at Camp Margarita, June 9. Approximately 90 Marines and sailors with the company returned following a seven-month deployment to Afghanistan. The rest of the battalion returned home in March due to the drawdown of coalition forces, while Company B remained behind to complete the battalion's mission in support of ISAF efforts.
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This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Unilever & Operation in Touch via MSB New Media. The opinions and text are all mine. When John was deployed, I found myself saying, "I can't do this anymore" more than I care to admit. I couldn't stand one more minute of deployment. I
Knowing for months my hubby would leave for deployment in January left my heart grappling to accept this reality. I didn’t want to be deployment strong. I wanted him home-everyday and always. But that was not the life I knew we would have when I became his wife 13 years ago. Instead, our lives would ...
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Let me sing you the song of my people. It goes: I love sending care packages... but they're so expensive! I can't spend a bazillion dollars on these care packages! But I also want to make sure my loved one feels loved... I can't refinance our house because of care packages. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Help. Me. Okay,
Deployment 101: Whatever obscure, weird, random thing that could go wrong- WILL. Save yourself the added headache and just be ready for it...
