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Do you yell? Walk away? Get into a power struggle? If you react more than respond, here are some empathetic, supportive responses to try!
Can overprotecting children hinder their development? A psychologist shares how choices, chores and making mistakes can foster independence in children.
Nurture your entire child with As the Stars of the Sky Foundation. Read our blog post, 'Educating Your Children About Litter Prevention and Recycling'.
I am so thrilled to have Chrissie Grace from In His Grace with us today. She is wife, a mother to 4 adorable children, and an artist. She made the pillow in Lauren’s room and I have admired her blog and her work ever since. ******************************************** When Melissa asked me if I'd like to write a guest-post for Mothers Day coming up, I was honored! Being a mother is one of (if not the greatest) joys in my life. And then I read the line-up of the other mothers. Seriously, I have to go after Shawni from 71 Toes? She has it all...she is like Mom of the Year...no literally, she is! I got a little nervous and insecure...little ol'me with my flaws and my never-ending mistakes. Who am I to talk about motherhood? Let's screech all that to all a halt right now. And so I come to #1 on my top 5 list of things I've learned by Becoming a Mother: 1. Don't compare yourself to anyone else... It starts when we're pregnant...we feel bad if we can't breastfeed. We look at our neighbor's 8 month old walking and get embarrased when our 18 month old isn't yet.We feel pressured to buy our daughter cute Gymboree clothes to fit in when we can't afford it and have been blessed with a set of hand-me-downs. You know the drill... we compare ourselves (and our children) to what "everyone" else has or is doing. What an unfortunate deal to pass on to our kids. Let's stop that nonsense now. Let's teach our kids that God makes everyone different for our reason. There is so much beauty in that. 2. Magic Erasers really are magical. (No, I was not paid to say that. Trust me. Think black permanent marker on your white leather couch) 3. Be Loud and Proud. (My kids ever-growing art gallery) Yes, I know it can be a little obnoxious to brag about your kids. But guess what? The world can be a little tough sometimes. It's nice for a child to know that they will go home to their biggest fans. Sitting in the 90 degree heat watching baseball isn't my idea of a great time, but I will dang sure try to be there when it's my son on the field. My husband is not a big ballet fan, but what would a recital be without Daddy showing up with flowers? We celebrate the little things too. When an anxious child steps out of her comfort zone, she is praised for being brave. When a child who tends to be a little self-centered shows generosity, he is thanked for his kindness. When one studies for a test and tearfully brings home a C, we gently remind him that he was responsible and showed great effort. 4. Play outside every day. Yes, this is a big one for me. It's probably a little easier living in Florida, where we don't deal with snow and freezing temperatures. But as the world becomes more and more dependent on electronics, I insist that kids get off the dang T.V. (computer, ipad, nintendo 3ds etc.) and GO OUTSIDE! Ride bikes, scooters, jump rope, run, swim, play soccer, baseball, tennis, play with sidewalk chalk, climb trees, search for frogs, and more. I want my children to love the outdoors. 5. Read this book. This book changed me as a parent. Because I am completely and totally not qualified to give advice on having grace. Because I lose my patience and hide in the bathroom sometimes. Because I wonder sometimes how I will get through a particular moment, or a particular day. Because I forget to be the tooth fairy sometimes and feed my kids sugar laden cereal for breakfast 20 mornings in a row. Because I need to remember that God is in ultimate control, not me. But mostly because I love my children unconditionally. I want to love them like God loves me. I want to parent them the way He parents me. **************************************
Print out this free lesson plan to use in your Children's Church or Sunday School on Father's Day. It is based on Proverbs 1:8-9. Shows that dads as a gift.
Empower your child through literacy with As the Stars of the Sky Foundation. Read our blog post, 'Helping Your Children with Fear of the Dentist'.
Empower your child through literacy with As the Stars of the Sky Foundation. Read our blog post, 'Two Important Things Parents Can Do To Stop Nagging'.
Reading aloud to children can significantly benefit a child's life and future. Learn more.
With the right support, children can learn to change gears without whining and tantrums and have smoother transitions in life and the classroom.
We started Goldfish Swim School with the mission to help children be safer in and around the water. Even during these unprecedented times, drowning prevention remains a top priority of ours, as more than 70% of child drowning incidents occur at homes.
Are you a drama magnet? I deal with unwanted drama all the time. Here's a peace-filled, faith-based approach for handling drama that gets dumped on you.
Learning about mental health and how we can look after our wellbeing is important to learn as children, but the sooner we do, the better
I admit that I am a pretty ordinary listener. You see by nature I am a talker and a fixer. Tell me a problem and I want to talk it through and find the best answer for with you. It’s just how I am. Lately however I have had to work on stifling my first...
We are often shown the many benefits being an regarded as an influencer may offer including exclusive merchandise, events, and experiences ...
"Whining" is a common problem whether children are toddlers, or teens demanding to get what they want. When parents try to make the whining or demanding stop,
A Symphony for My Soul a guest post about God's love and autism.
In this article, we have mentioned 11 Key Benefits of Extracurricular Activities for Kids /children for their All-round Development
Discover these 6 Tips For Intentional Character Training on the Character Corner plus get character curriculum recommendations and ideas! Read now.
Parental involvement makes better students, more relaxed teachers and more confident parents. Learn how to get involved in your child’s education and life.
As a parent, you make many important decisions for your child. It only makes sense during the early part of their life when they’re simply incapable of maki ...
Word families can be a beneficial tool for teaching your child to read! This fun word family snowball toss incorporates decoding and gross motor fun!
Incorporating Christ into Your Preschooler's Day - 7 ways to make Christ the focus of your preschooler's day.
Since the practice of the Lord’s Supper has regained something of a focused treatment online in recent days, I thought it might be advantageous to focus on another important aspect of the Lord’s Supper–namely, how and when is it appropriate for children to receive communion?
One Word: Blessing The Blessings That Comes With Having ADHD For those who have ADHD you might be wondering what exactly could be a blessing of having ADHD? There doesn’t seem to be any blessing in…
Looking for things to say that encourage your son? Here are 5 things you should be telling your boy daily to nurture his emotional and mental health.
Empower your child through literacy. Explore As the Stars of the Sky Foundation's blog to discover the power of reading and nurturing the entire child.
Parenting is hard. I had the pleasure of reading Sara Wallace’s new book For the Love of Discipline. In this book, Sara comes alongside us and shares some of her wisdom like the friend and mentor we all want in our lives.
My sixth grader takes over the keyboard to tell you what she loves about homeschooling and what she's looking forward to in the year ahead.
Growing up my mom had a consistent rule, we don’t leave for vacation with a messy home. The parameters of the “vacation” were rather flexible, the terms of a clean home however, were not. It didn’t matter if it was a long weekend, a camping trip, a big summer vacation or a quick overnighter …
Learn how to teach entrepreneurial skills to your child with the Kingdom Code, a faith-based curriculum written for homeschools and private schools.
I feel like I'll get some heat for what I'm about to write. But then again when haven't I?! So I just need to learn to thicken my skin a bit in the internet world I suppose. Today I'm writing about that all too touchy subject.... spanking. Also, the original post was bit long so I've divided it into two different parts. Read part one, about discipline versus punishment and the Biblical view of spanking here- http://christiancrunchyattached.blogspot.com/2014/09/the-hot-topic-of-spanking.html I don't want to spank. I really do not. I have popped, and I'm sure my flesh will falter again in the future and I will pop again, but I am working really hard not to. I want to parent out of love like Jesus, I want a daughter who is confident and strong in who she is and who her Savior is and obeys and learns out of love and respect, not fear of punishment. Parenting is not easy, neither is discipline. Does it not makes sense that to be thorough and work it would take effort? I see SO many people talk about our generation and how if people spanked more people wouldn't be like this. I'm sorry but that's a very close-minded and uneducated statement. Statistics show many if not most parents in America still use physical punishment, and haven't stopped. Our generation is the way it is because of a lack of parenting and effort, not a lack of physical punishment. Many other factors go into why our nation's youth are the way the are. There's also these things called free will and rebellion and different personalities. All tied in with the way our parents raise us or discipline us and personal experiences and choices that lead people to be who they are or act they way they do. There's also the aspect of what spanking can do to the developing brain. And that's science my friends. (Here's some links from Psychology Today on that subject: How Spanking Harms The Brain, Spanking: It's Bad For All Kids, Discipline Tips Instead Of Spanking, & How Hitting Doesn't Help, Spanking Makes Kids More Aggresive) What I am learning in being a parent is not only do I need to be a teacher and guide to my children about life and proper behavior but I too have to grow and learn and be willing to have my heart worked on. Be open to new information, be willing to admit when I've done wrong and learn from my mistakes and do the best I can to grow beautiful lives into wise, loved, confident, functioning, healthy adults. And ultimately lead by example. There are many tools for gentle (non-physical) discipline and I will be listing a few resources to read and gather information from! We so far use redirection and explaining and natural consequences and will continue with different tools as needed. Below I am sharing a few images, resources, and quotes from parents about what they chose for their children instead of physical punishment and why. "Parenting is first and foremost a relationship, and the most influential relationship in my children's lives. This doesn't mean I'm trying to be their friend, but more importantly, trying to know, guide, and love them as only a mother can. There is no checklist, no formula, no manual. There is this relationship, and the consistent, God-centric principles it's built upon that inform my parenting choices. That's enough. It's not easy, but it is necessary and sufficient." -Eron "We don't spank because we don't have to. We teach respect in our home. Our children respect us, and we respect them. We felt that teaching them to respect us would be more useful in the real world then teaching them to use physical force to get what you want. We use time outs and use privileges as leverage.. but that rarely is necessary.." -Beth "I try and understand development, their ability to reason& process the situation, then respond at their level accepting my job is to show them through redirection, encouragement, and mentoring over time...it's a journey. Spanking just teaches them fear, it belittles their right to autonomy over their body, and doesn't encourage learning." -Patricia "We have 5 children and only one has ever tempted me to spank him. I know though that it is my loss of control that makes me feel that way and that hurting him isn't going to help the "problem" nor is it setting the example I wish to teach my children. I have found that taking my child out or away from what's triggering the issue, getting to eye leval with him and talking very softly ( this makes him work to hear me) he will indeed listen. I try to be honest with my kids about how I am feeling too. It's a Amazing how compassionate they can be when they are able to see that we struggle too. Deep breaths and hugs go a long way too. With being Christians I think the kids NIV children's bibles are great. I love how if they are struggling with something specific you can look it up and it will tell you the scripture that relates. This really helps children link their day to day life with the Bible." - Danielle "I think it's our job as parents to teach coping skills and how to appropriately deal with feelings. Spanking is a result of parents' feelings (angry, frustration, disappointment, etc) and physical violence is not an acceptable response. Children need to learn appropriate skills to deal with their emotions and learn by example and gentle guiding. I personally think all physical violence is wrong and children should not learn that whoever is stronger is right. And hitting a child is just mean. - Krista "Hands are for holding, not scolding! We like to hug it out! I always tell the kids, hands are for hugs or high-fives, not hitting." - Lori " I too have just 1 of 4 that has ever tempted me and it's usually because he hit which would just reinforce his negative actions. In our world, any act of violence on a human is assault other than our own children so I don't see why assaulting a child is acceptable." - Krista H. "There are so many reasons why we choose not to spank. As a Christian, the most basic reason being that we are charged to love God, and love others. I know many pro-spanking parents who say they spank their kids BECAUSE they love them, but I just cannot see anyone feeling loved by receiving some sort of physical punishment. When we study love languages, we see that the way you show love to a person only matters if that's also the way they receive love. Is hitting, spanking, slapping, etc. a love language? Absolutely not." -Michele "We don't spank because we don't believe in "negative reinforcement" as discipline. I don't want my child to brace herself or run when I approach her to discipline her because she's "bracing" herself for some sort of negative feeling. I want a bad behavior to stop because she understands-not because I'm instilling fear or bad feelings. Also, as adults when we sin does Jesus strike us down? No, we learn a lesson and we grow as a person. I want ------ to grow with every lesson she learns and I don't feel like there's any place for growing when you're using physical force to make a child learn a lesson. Right now, we LOVE using a "calm down jar"! It takes her away from whatever bad behavior she was doing and let's her calm down and focus and listen to me when I'm talking to her. That little glittery jar has changed our house!" -Kathryn "I stopped spanking the day I went to give my oldest a hug and he shrank back because he thought I was going to hit him. I still get tears in my eyes thinking about that day. I was never a huge spanker to begin with, but apparently a few times is enough to create a negative reaction in a child. I give warnings/strikes; 3 strikes and he loses his electronics. I redirect, I give choices, I give time away to calm down, I have my oldest go outside and take a lap or 2 around the yard to get out some of his negative energy, I take time away to calm down, and during that time I try to pray myself calm. I try to start my day with prayer for God's strength and patience because I don't have near enough of my own, and when I start getting frustrated I try to pray my way through that, too." -Julie "We approach behavior as communication and try to respond in-kind. If a child is acting out, either against us, a sibling, or anyone else, they're sending out a message and it takes a trained ear to hear what's being said. We do address all physical aggression with "time-out" to calm down and think about how we made someone else feel. When time-out ends we talk with the child about what they can do to make the situation better. We also focus on praising behaviors we WANT to see from our children: cooperation, helping, words of encouragement, sharing, taking turns, manners, following directions, etc. By rewarding the good with attention we are more apt to see those behaviors repeated than if we were punishing the bad with discipline, especially through physical/corporal punishments." -Alexandra "When a parent strikes a child, that child's perception of the world changes forever, their perception of themselves and their value changes in that instant going forward and their definition of unconditional love as demonstrated by that parent includes violence and aggression.. I prefer redirect, contemplate, restate, retry." -Barbara "One of my biggest points is that we are told to train up our children in the way they should go (Proverbs). Training a plant is not (typically) something that involves hurting it. The biggest hurt might be to pull off a little sucker or a shoot when it is still a TINY shoot-- mild correction/redirection. It is a gentle guidance. The point in time that we end up having to hurt a plant is when we have failed to train it correctly in the first place. I am more and more convicted that the point in time when I feel there is need to punish my child for something is the point in time when the lack of training in an area has come to the forefront. Lack of training my children means they "need" punishment. But then is that my fault or theirs? Maybe I should punish me for not training them before punishing them for doing exactly what I have allowed them to be trained to do?" -Melissa "There is not 1 example in the Bible of a parent hitting their child. When Jesus told the story of the prodigal son... that man had every "legal" right to beat or even have his son stoned, but instead he was gracious and loving. There was no mention of any harshness." -Amy And in regards to those who like to argue that while the "rod" was used for comforting and guiding but shepherds also used it to break the sheep's legs if they wandered off: "As far as breaking the legs of sheep... a shepherd would have never done such a thing! The majority of sheep in biblical times were used as sacrifice, and an imperfect sacrifice was unacceptable. He would be losing money, and ruining his business by doing something like that." -Amy "As a "shepherdess"--Well...we raised sheep on our farm.....that whole breaking the leg and then carrying the sheep might have been something a not very bright shepherd might have done--but not the normal." -Mera "There is no shepherd ANYWHERE who would purposely ruin a sheep if it was a wanderer. They are far too valuable for food and clothing. Plus breaking their animals legs is doing anything but building trust with them. Sheep naturally follow their LOVING shepherd. No need to damage the animal." -Melissa This is one of my favorite blogs on the topic of spanking: http://sarahbessey.com/in-which-i-talk-about-spanking/ by Sarah Bessey. Here's what she says about spanking: My motivation is to parent my children the way that I believe God parents me. To me, this mean unconditional love, drawing near to me, seeking transformation not adherence to a law. I want to be a path for them to follow, instead of an obstacle to overcome. When I think about how God parents me, how Jesus loves me, it’s not behaviour modification focused (just getting me to Behave Right). It’s about my heart. For instance, do I want to be a nicer person by sheer force of will? Or do I want to truly be a more loving person? Why would I want less for my tinies? Do I want quaking instant obedience? Marionettes of fear? Or do I want the hearts of my children knit to mine, obedience born out of love and understanding, a connection of joy and gentleness, self-control, kindness, wholeness and love? (I wrote here about how we practice “time-in” instead of “time-out.“) The short list of why I don’t spank Personally, I believe it’s morally wrong to strike a child. Also, it isn’t Biblical. Hitting teaches hitting as a solution. It creates an adversarial relationship between parents and children – Us vs. Them. It can easily lead to abuse. It doesn’t work over the long term. It promotes anger or gives place to anger in both the parent and the child. It doesn’t teach inner discipline. It creates a behavioural response out of fear instead of love. Here are some more resources on the topic: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/topics/gentlediscipline.php http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior http://sortacrunchy.typepad.com/sortacrunchy/the-book.html http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/articles/elizabethp/p1.php http://stephaniesheaffer.com/7-reasons-we-dont-spank/ http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/2013/01/01/12-steps-to-gentle-parenting/ http://www.amazon.com/dp/1897238452/ http://hippiehousewife.blogspot.com/2011/11/rod-verses-taking-rod-verses-literally.html http://hippiehousewife.blogspot.com/2010/11/hows-of-discipline.html http://20reasonsnottospank.blogspot.com/p/121.html http://momlifetoday.com/2013/05/8-practical-ways-to-parent-with-grace/ http://whynottrainachild.com/2013/06/22/download-martins-book/ I know many people who spank. In saying all of this I am not aiming to offend those who choose to. I am not even saying you must stop and do as I do or believe as I believe. I am simply sharing my thoughts and Biblical belief in a hope to spread awareness of what the Bible does say about it and that this may help someone who hits because they think they need to but don't want to. It goes without saying that most parents do what they do for their children because they want to raise them right and do right by them. So with all I've said I am not suggesting parents who spank their kids are bad parents. I will say I personally don't think its right for me or my children and would urge you to look at alternatives. Especially if you were abused or have abusive tendencies. Crossing the line is a very gray area and people can easily go overboard. Is spanking of God, or is it a doctrine of man? Look at the fruits guys. The fruits of the spirit go with us in parenting and our children. I feel it's of man. The fruits of the spirit are the result of the Holy Spirit's presence in our lives. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control." Parenting without spanking takes a LOT of patience, kindness and gentleness, I can attest to that! The most important thing we can do as parents is be willing to see our mistakes and grow from them, and be willing to look at other perspectives before assuming our way is the right way, yes? For me, that led me to this path and various other paths on my straight and narrow that so many disagree with. But I know in my heart of hearts that this is what is right in my parenting relationships.
Play-based learning is not a way to justify pushing academics earlier and earlier as long as it's done in a playful way. Children learn through free play.
